


I walk away

by bellemelody



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Guns, Implied Incest, M/M, Romance, Yakuza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-04
Updated: 2012-05-04
Packaged: 2017-11-04 19:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/397307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellemelody/pseuds/bellemelody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Jin's full lips are pressed into a thin line.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>“What is so important about the family? What is so great about being part of the criminal world, if you can’t even sleep without gun under your pillow? You can’t feel safe even in your own bed!”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	I walk away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gina](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Gina).



> This fic is a part of Godfather-Yakuza- verse, that I want to write and this is just the single scene from the story :) For Gina, because she said she will like it <3 Happy Birthday to you!!! And I wish you to have life full of unicons and love <3
> 
> The titles in Italic are the brands of the guns :) and the lyrics are from the song Walk Away and you have no idea how random it is 8|
> 
> Many thanks to Lulu, because she is wonderful <3 <3 <3

 

 

Kazuya slowly opens his eyes, trying to lie still. The sound of rustling sheets can distract this _someone_ who dares to enter his dwelling. He feels the cold surface of his gun under his pillow and tries to stand on his feet. Slowly, soundless. Pulling back the blanket, his feet land on a fluffy carpet.

He's been sleeping with a gun under his pillow since he was 14. He found his father’s old _Browning_ and made it his. He takes a few steps, Kazuya can move very carefully and fast.

The bedroom is clean.

He still feels nostalgia for his good old gun, the pocket _Beretta_ in his hands now is too light to feel safe, but good enough to protect his life. Having a bigger gun in his bed is inconvenient. It can scare his partners, but they knew well enough who they are dealing with.

The bathroom is clean.

Kazuya has been so lightheaded lately, he lost his caution and this is the result, he was carefree enough that someone broke into his home. His _Glock_ must be in the kitchen, light solid and very dangerous. He can still hear strange noises and they make his body tense. What the hell is this?

The kitchen is clean.

Kazuya relaxes when he notices what the source of the noise was. The window is open, and there's an old man near it, with some papers, cursing under his nose. He must talk to Nakamaru about the old men near his apartment. Maybe it’s a good cover, but Kazuya is tired of all the noise they make while playing cards. He wants silence. Just in his home. The warm wind of July is making curtains dance. Someone forgot to close it yesterday.

Jin.

That has to end, the sooner the better. Kazuya must make it stop. He knows it well enough.

Kazuya was raised with the thought that he is part of the family. It flows in his veins, along with his hot blood, this feeling of loyalty to his family, along with the temper that's sometimes difficult to handle and with all the ambitions. He's known all his life what his purpose was, and with every step he moved towards it, trying to grasp it and knowing that one day he will take his rightful place as the head of the family. His father was killed when Kazuya was just a kid and he, as an heir, was in a safe house under another name, protected by his family, by his uncle. But now it's his time.

He is part of the Akanishi family. And he must leave Jin out of it. He takes a glass and pours some cold water, just to calm his nerves. It makes him paranoid. Because he is not alone. Not anymore. Jin is an obstacle and the sooner he understands it, the better.

But maybe it would be too cruel to do it today? Or maybe the crueler the better? Kazuya doesn’t know himself. One thing he is certain about: he has a goal and there is no place for doubts. Kazuya is not a person who has time for doubts. Not now. When his uncle needs a strong hand and a cold mind.

It’s noon already, Kazuya has a few meetings and after, it’s time for Jin's departure. The plane at 15:00. He has time to cut everything, all the strings that bind them together.

Kazuya puts on the white shirt he finds lying on the couch, where they started yesterday. He hisses as the material slides over his shoulder, the evidence of Jin’s teeth on his shoulder. He chuckles remembering Jin’s eyes when he realized what he had done, feeling instantly sorry. Kazuya can handle pain, he is not scared of it, and sometimes he even welcomes this kind of sweet pain. Maybe because it’s Jin.

Jin just means too much to Kazuya. His uncle has started to notice it. Too much. Kazuya can't afford the luxury of falling in love with Jin. Not now, and he doubts he ever will. Definitely. Never.

He must put the Beretta back in its place. Kazuya returns to the bedroom and lies down on the bed. The man beside him makes a noise in his sleep and turns his face to Kazuya.

The strange feeling in his chest, every time he thinks about the words he must tell Jin, like someone is gripping it so tight he can’t breathe. Kazuya thinks about the expression in Jin’s eyes, that he must bear it, he must stand still, and there is no other option.

At 15:00. They still have time.

With his free hand, Kazuya lightly touches Jin’s cheek. When he sleeps he looks younger and so carefree. Why is he so overwhelmed every time he looks at him? Why can’t he fight it? This warm wonderful feeling, when Jin opens his eyes and looks at Kazuya like he's the only one in the whole world and that smile on his full lips that's only for him.

“Good morning,”

Says a hoarse morning voice, and Jin is looking at him. Like this. Again. Kissing the hand that was caressing his cheek just now. But then a frown appears on his face and Kazuya belatedly realizes that the Beretta is still in his hand.

“Sorry.” He puts it back under his pillow and Jin chuckles at his actions.

“A man with a gun in my bed, this is really interesting. I even feel like we're having a ménage à trois.”

Kazuya raises an eyebrow.

“Are you interested in that kind of thing? I thought I was enough for you, even sometimes too much?”

Jin laughs softly; his hair is a mess, too wild to handle, especially in the morning, thick and very soft. Kazuya loves it when they are kissing and the long hair caresses his face, sometimes it tickles a little, but mostly it's just like Jin. Everything is like Jin, the clothes scattered over the floor because of his impatient partner, the marks on his body because his lover is too passionate and always so embarrassed about it afterward. Kazuya doesn’t care as long as it's Jin, in his home, in his bed, in his heart. Always.

Jin decides there are too many clothes on Kazuya and starts leisurely taking off the white shirt Kazuya just put on, the cuffs are already unbuttoned, so it’s not so difficult, and Kazuya smiles as Jin fights with the poor white shirt.

He sighs and Jin snuggles closer, resting his head on Kazuya’s shoulder, trailing a finger over the dragon tattooed on his chest. Colorful, beautiful and dangerous. Sometimes he finds it fascinating, and sometimes Jin hates it with all his heart, because it’s like a sign that they live in different worlds, and that Kazuya will never let him step into his. Never.

“What are you thinking about?” Jin asks carefully, tilting his head to look into Kazuya’s eyes.

Kazuya licks his lips nervously.

“I think we need to talk.”

“Hmm… ok.” Jin turns to Kazuya and kisses him lightly on the corner of his lips. “Go ahead...” another kiss now on his chin and then farther down, he leaves tender kisses, just touching his lips lightly to Kazuya’s neck.

Kazuya holds his breath for a moment, feeling the fingers on his chest draw patterns only Jin knows the meaning of. He has only one desire, just to close his eyes and enjoy the closeness, and later hold him and let all his feelings out, just kissing him and never letting go. Never.But.  
He can’t.

“I bought a ticket for you. Your plane leaves at 15:00.” Kazuya feels how Jin freezes for a moment, not speaking, not moving and after puts his head on Kazuya’s chest, where he can hear his heartbeat.

“I’m not going.”

He sounds calm, but Kazuya knows it’s just the beginning.

“You are. Nakamaru will be here in few hours and he will take you to the airport.”

Kazuya places his hand on top of Jin's head, just playing with the locks there and placing soft kisses, inhaling the smell of Jin's shampoo.

“Why him? Why not you?”

“I can’t.”

He tries to sound inflexible, not leaving any space for unnecessary questions and drama because he doesn’t want to say good-bye to Jin like this, to have their memories overshadowed by a fight. He hopes Jin will cherish good memories, from the times when they were happy, and live his life. Faraway from this world.

“Why?” The stubborn notes in his voice are so familiar. Kazuya closes his eyes. He must be stronger and end this.

“Because I said so.” His voice is still calm and soft. Jin raises his head to look right into Kazuya’s brown eyes, as if he were trying to read him the way he can sometimes, but not today. Kazuya can't let him.  
“I will talk to my father and we will…”

Kazuya interrupts him covering his mouth with a kiss; this is not the right direction for their last morning together. Everything is going wrong and Kazuya is trying to delay the moment when he will hurt Jin.

The brown eyes cloud over, the plump lips are wet and shining, Kazuya plants a kiss on the little mole near Jin's eye, he loves him, he loves everything about him, and he will do it now because he loves him too. Jin can’t stay. Jin has a life waiting for him.

“Kazuya?” The question comes in a voice that sounds little bit higher. “Why are you doing this? Why?”

He kisses him again. Too many questions and there are no answers. Or they exist, but are too painful for Jin.

_Because I’m selfish? Because I've been waiting for this moment all my life? Because the family is waiting for me? Because I belong with this family, in body and soul? Because my love for you is big and all-absorbing, but my love for power is even greater?_

What could Kazuya say that wouldn't make him sound as selfish as he is?

_Because I want to have you by my side! With all my heart! I want to be selfish and just hold you tightly, close to my heart, and never let you go! Just lock you up inside my home, behind these thick walls and protect you from all those bastards that would threaten you, hurt you, who would dare touch even a single strand of your hair! Because I want to destroy everything and everyone and just be with you, feel happy and alive, looking at your smile, kissing your lips!_

Kazuya feels Jin's long fingers messing up his hair and pulling him even closer, the kisses that were passionate become desperate and Kazuya bites his lover's full lower lip listening to his moan and feeling the strong hips bending closer, grinding for more friction, like he wants to become one, to become part of the one he loves, desperately, painfully, for the last time.

No matter what Kazuya wants, no matter what his heart longs for. He has no right. Because Jin can’t live behind this thick walls, they will suffocate him, he will pine and suffer, slowly hating Kazuya for his selfishness and his decisions. Never. Kazuya doesn’t want to see hate in his eyes, never.

Someone must walk away.

Kazuya is dressed in the white shirt, a little bit rumpled, but he wears a dark suit over it with a scarf so it’s not so obvious. It still smells like Jin. Like Jin who sat nearby in the little kitchenette wearing this shirt just 30 minutes ago, eating a toast with jam and kissing Kazuya, like this is just an ordinary day, like he will ignore his words and stay with him. Kazuya let him. They still have time till the 15:00.

A phone is ringing. Jin answers. It's his cellphone. His t-shirt is dark red and his jeans are baggy, his smile is wide while he talks, holding Kazuya close with another hand. Kazuya just leans into Jin placing his head on Jin's broad chest, feeling the warmth and the sound of Jin talking, like a tremor, so deep, like he wants to engrave these seconds in his memory, the voice, the smell, the light, the smile. Just Jin.

“Hi, Dad. Yes I had a great time… My next concert? Sure I will send you the tickets, if you want to come, of course.” Jin's laugh is low and the tremors are stronger, Kazuya tightens his embrace on Jin's waist. Just little bit more. More time.

“My plane?” Jin is not smiling anymore, tilting his head and looking straight at Kazuya. “Yes, Kazuya told me already. He is such a caring cousin, always taking care of all the details.”

Bitterness. It hurts. Kazuya wants to close his eyes, just to avoid meeting Jin's, full of reproach and silent questions. That he will never answer.

Jin puts the phone away in his pocket, placing his hands on Kazuya shoulders, looking into his eyes.

“Is this really what you want? You want me to go? To return to LA? Why? Why, Kazuya?”

Kazuya must endure the weight of his look, he must or Jin will stay. He must be strong, for Jin’s sake.

“Your life is there, with your friends and your music and success and tons of fans.” He makes a pause. “My life is here with the family. I’m the heir and I have duties and obligations.”

The fire in Jin's eyes tells him he doesn’t understand it.

“Why? You can leave. Why should you be the heir? My father can handle everything perfectly!”

“He is old, Jin, and he wants to withdraw from the business.”

Jin's full lips are pressed into a thin line.

“What is so important about the family? What is so great about being part of the criminal world, if you can’t even sleep without gun under your pillow? You can’t feel safe even in your own bed!”

Kazuya presses fingers to his temple for a second, his voice sounds tired. This conversation again and again, after all these years, ever since their relationship exists, from the day they first realized they loved each other, from the day they became lovers.

“You will never understand it, Jin. You are part of the family, but not in the same way. You were raised faraway from our rules and life. You can’t understand it.”

“Make me! Make me understand it! Make me understand why the hell you are doing this to me, if you love me!” He puts his cold hands on Kazuya's cheeks, pulling him closer, almost touching his lips to his. His fingers are cold as ice, he is anxious. When Kazuya feels anxious he burns like fire.

“I know you love me, Kazuya! I feel it!” he whispers desperately, his lips are so close, their noses touching, their breath mixing.

“It was a mistake, Jin. From the beginning, it was a mistake.”

Jin tenses. This is the moment. When it hurts the most, like the crystal sound of something very fragile breaking into a million pieces. Something that's beyond repair.

Jin pushes him, softly; not looking at his eyes, he takes a step to the couch and grabs his leather jacket. Jin is ready. Nakamaru takes care of his luggage and it'll be waiting for him in the car.  
Jin is already by the door when he looks back at Kazuya.

“It never was a mistake, and it’s not one now either, Kazuya.”

Kazuya swallows looking at his dark polished shoes, feeling like he has no strength anymore, there's nothing he could say.

“This is just your choice.”

Kazuya raises his head, Jin's look is steady. This expression. He feels betrayed.

“And once again, you didn't choose me.”

Kazuya is calm now; at least he tries to look like he is. Just a few more steps and Jin will be gone, just half an hour more and he will be on a plane, far away from here. Safe. This is what Kazuya cares about the most.

“It’s for the better.” He whispers softly to himself, because Jin is leaving and can't hear him.

“Kazuya!”

Jin calls his name, staying near the door. He's scratching his hair, tied up in a messy ponytail now, as if he's embarrassed.

“Yesterday, I was just looking around and I found this.”

“What?”

Jin touches the chain around his neck, showing Kazuya the pendant. A gold pendant in the shape of a dragon. Kazuya’s sign. Jin smiles.

“You always forget to give me a present for my birthday, and I have a feeling you will forget today again, but since you prepared it and it has my name on it, I think I have a right to wear it.”

Kazuya just nods, they need no words to understand each other. Kazuya never forgets. He could forget about thousands of birthdays, but not about Jin’s. He just had no intention to give that to Jin. Because it's not just a pendant, it's a sign.

Jin sighs, when he sees Kazuya is not taking any steps towards him, he moves closer himself.

“I don’t care about the family, I don’t see myself as a part of it and I know that it was always your dream to take my father's place.” Jin touches the little dragon that looks exactly like the big red one on Kazuya’s back.

“This is the sign. I know it. But it doesn’t mean I belong to the family. It means I belong to you. Only to you. And it will always be like this.”

It is overwhelming, too much. The feelings in Kazuya’s chest, those eyes that looks on so tenderly, lovingly.

  
 _Once again I walk away  
There's no turning back this time baby  
Once again I walk away  
With every step I leave you behind me  
Once again I walk away  
Determined this time you'll be sorry  
Once again I walk away  
But if you ask me you know that I'd stay_

*

“He is on the plane, Kame. I took care of everything.”

“Thank you, Nakamaru.”

He puts the phone down on the table, leisurely smoking as he looks at the rumpled bed. Jin’s smile, his soft laugh and hoarse morning voice, strong hands and heartbeat, always in harmony with his own, that mole that makes him burn with the desire to kiss it, and his chin that shows how stubborn he could be, the days and the nights that they've spent together, the memories.

Kazuya changes his shirt to a black one, puts his _Glock_ in a shoulder holster and leaves the apartment. He will find a new one; the old men near the window are too noisy. And Kazuya prefers silence in his home. He has too many things he needs to take care of.

 

 


End file.
